
A few weeks ago, right before my husband (Adam) and I (Meena) celebrated our first wedding anniversary on September 18th, I called up another couple to see how their first year of marriage was going. The phone rang across the Canadian border, and The Other Adam and Meena picked up - they were getting ready to celebrate too since they also tied the knot last year, on September 17th. This was the first time I’d actually talked to my Wedding Doppelgangers, even though I’ve known about them now for over a year. Most of the time we go about our nearly twin lives fully unaware of each other, but on our double anniversary, I wanted to reach through the fun house mirror and find out what exactly life was like in our parallel, identically-named alternate universe.

(the Other Adam & Meena on their wedding day)
THE BACKSTORY: Last year, as our friends dutifully looked up our registry to buy us serving trays and hand towels, they went to Google and typed in “Meena and Adam wedding.” It turns out The Other Meena and Adam’s friends were doing this too, over in Canada. Sure enough, both sets of friends soon discovered there were dueling Meena and Adam weddings, just 24 hours apart. As it turns out, they had a better URL but we have better SEO – our wedding page still comes up first in search, though it’s quickly followed by a string of hits about the Canadians. (American Adam points out the obvious: This whole situation is markedly weirder because it’s not exactly a common name pairing.)
Canadian Adam was first to reach through the hole in the time-space continuum, and sent me an email titled “Weird, another Adam and Meena.” “You guys have officially become known as the hipster American version of us,” he said, a pronouncement we cringingly accepted (in our Ray-Bans). We traded a few jokey messages, I wrote a blog post about the small-world-ness of the Internet, and we went our separate ways.
But here I am a year later, dialing their number on a sunny afternoon (after rejecting the idea of Skype — it would just be too weird, I thought, to come face-to-pixelated-face with our Bizarro Selves). On the phone, their voices sound just like ours. On paper, the similarities continued. Canadian Adam is 28, I’m 27. He owns a business that operates newspapers, I write for a newspaper. Canadian Meena is 31 and works for the government, in air transport security. My Adam is 33 and a master at sneaking his array of (totally masculine) beauty products past airport security.
(us)
So, what’s married life like, I ask the Canadians. We get asked this all the time, which is tough to answer since not too much is different. We live in the same apartment, have the same jobs, and wear (mostly) the same clothes we did before. “Babies” and “buying a house” are cute phrases that live somewhere in fantasy land.
But across the border, EVERYTHING has changed. Well, all the big stuff, anyway. Canadian Adam ditched his “swinging bachelor pad” and moved into Meena’s house, and from there they started ticking off the Big Life Stuff list. “We’ve bought a car we’re renovating our house, and we’re having a baby!” they tell me. “Buying a car is a big deal!” Canadian Meena says, before she adds, “I guess having a baby is kind of a big deal.”
(Them)
So, I ask, how do you handle fights? “We really don’t fight,” Adam says. “It’s very, very rare,” says Meena. I roll my American eyes. But the Canadians are totally sincere about how genuinely they like each other; you can feel it through the phone. “We just work very well together. It’s easy for us to get along,” Meena says. “Even if there are big disagreements, we try not to go to bed angry,” says Adam. “We try to talk it through.”
I start to feel like we aren’t measuring up against the Meena and Adam we could be, and that the clock is ticking fast on our plans. I mean, these guys sound like real adults. Hearing how relaxed our Canadian counterparts sound about parenthood also makes me nervous – though maybe they’re mellowed out by the fact that Canada’s health care and benefits system is so non-fucked up that Meena will get twelve months of paid leave when she gives birth. “We’re thinking about going to Bali for a month,” she muses. “All we need is breast milk and diapers.” Sitting here in our New York apartment where rent is probably double their mortgage, the whole thing just seems so far away and unattainable.

But marriage advice isn’t one-size-fits-all, no matter how similar you are, and comparing yourself to other relationships will only make you miserable. My Adam and I, for example, tried the whole don’t-go-to-bed-angry thing, and ] it totally backfired on us. We’d just stay up late, getting more and more tired and frustrated, until we went to bed madder than ever. Now when we disagree at night, we just hit the hay and skip the fight. We wake up having forgotten what we were once angry about.
And though they may have given me underachieving anxiety in the moment, I got off the phone with Canadian Meena and Adam feeling inspired to do better by channeling their relaxed attitude and overflowing love for each other, even when life gets stressful. It’s a good push to get, one year in, when things were starting to feel settled. “Choose wisely,” Canadian Adam offers as his big piece of marriage advice as he gets off the phone with me. Luckily for this Meena, I already did.
Oh, P.S. - All amazing photos of our wedding were shot by the ridiculously talented Steph Goralnick.